Come one, come all, for the greatest mustache wax ever bestowed on this great green earth! How exactly is this the greatest mustache wax ever bestowed on this great green earth?! EXCELLENT QUESTION, GOODMAN, allow me to answer it!
Natural and organic ingredients?
As if I would use anything else, my good sir.
Easy to use?
Easy like Sunday morning. Or pie.
A scent so marvelous it will transport you deep into a serene forest of masculinity, though not literally of course.
Go ahead and spoil your facial fur with my most excellent Mustache Wax-with its blend of organic beeswax, shea butter, various oils, and actual magic, this is the only “kit” you’ll ever need. Bend your mustache to your will; make even your beard listen to your every command! Indeed! And also, indubitably!
I say, my goodman, let there be handsome handlebars, charming chevrons, healthy horseshoes, and every other magnificent mustache possible. Grow a mustache, get a promotion, be upgraded to first class, befriend an actual wolf pack, find yourself made King of a small country, and finally, become polished. A Polished Gentleman.
- I MUSTACHE YOU A QUESTION, GOODMAN. Are you not tired of a lackluster mustache?! Make it stupendous with my wondrous Mustache Wax!
- MAKE THEM MARVEL. Whether you have a handlebar, a chevron, a pencil, or even a Dali, they should all be one thing-Polished. My neutral wax for your mustache is exactly what you need. That and a very nice hat, because every gentleman should have at least one handsome hat.
- SPOIL YOUR ‘STACHE with my all natural and organic formula. You will find no chemicals here! Indeed, we are paraben, sulfate, alcohol, and gluten free. Because a gentleman deserves only the best.
- QUALITY IS KEY. Organic beeswax! Organic shea butter! Organic coconut oil! Almond oil! Cedarwood Oil! Tea tree oil! Ingredients!
- A MUSTACHE THAT SMELLS INCREDIBLE?! Yes, my goodman, because no gentleman should ever have to put up with a terrible smelling mustache. Or even worse-one that smells like nothing at all. Instead, get your mustache smelling like a fantastic forest of masculinity! It will absolutely be the best deal of the day for you today my goodman!